How many of you have said something like this to your people or heard another leader say something like this to you?   It sounds great doesn’t it?  Sounds like a place everyone would want to work.  So why is it that despite making a “policy” like this, oftentimes people at organizations continue to work well into the night and all hours on the weekend to get their work done.  Why do they ignore the “policy”?

There can be a number of reasons for this – lack of efficiency, too much work for one person, etc.  However there is on other reason that needs to be explored – the “unwritten rules”.  Unwritten rules can become a more powerful guiding force than the written rules.  For example if a leader makes the statement above, but then proceeds to email his team members at 9 or 10pm every night, and on weekends, he/she will ultimately be undermining the “policy”.  People will ignore the written rules in order to adhere to the assumed expectations of the unwritten rules.  In this case, “If my boss is emailing me at 9pm, that means he/she is working.  If my boss is working then I probably should be working and showing him or her that I am working.”  And you can see how the written rules get undermined.

As a leader it is important to remember that our people learn from our attitudes and behaviours so we need to be extra careful that these are also lined up with our words.

Inspiration & Ideas Catalyst

My job in these interviews is to hear the person and get the facts without being drawn into aligning with them.  Sometimes that is very challenging but I remind myself that there is more than one perspective to every situation.  When I interview the others involved, I get a fuller picture of the story.  This is where communication breakdowns and assumptions are revealed. 

 One way to approach situations where two parties have issue with each other is to begin from the third story (as noted in the book Difficult Conversations by Stone, Patton and Heen).  The third story is one a keen observer would tell someone who has no stake in your particular problem.  This is like a neutral third party who sees each side with valid concerns that need to be addressed. 

As challenging as it sometimes is, remind yourself to resist the urge to get drawn in to each person’s story and especially resist the urge to commiserate with them.  Remind yourself that there is always the third story to remove the judgement and capture the different perspectives involved.

Tom Hendrikson Chief Breakthrough Officer

www.sixsenseinc.com

It’s in the middle 70-80% where it gets trickier – the grey zone.  The work is satisfactory, the relationship functions without breaking down and there is no apparent motivation to shift from pretty good to pretty damn good. 

The grey zone is sometimes where subtle signs of impending breakdown can lie quietly in wait.  Small things like not inviting your agency to meetings that you would have in the past or withholding information that you would have shared in the past can be (but not always are) subtle signs of withdrawal.  Pay attention to these signs and ask yourself – Is this the Client/Agency relationship I want to have?  If not, write down all the characteristics of your desired MARCOM relationship and describe where you are today relative to that goal.  Some of the needed actions will become very apparent to you.

 We’re interested in tapping into your experience.  What are some early signs of impending breakdown that you have encountered?

Tom Hendrikson Chief Breakthrough Officer

www.sixsenseinc.com

All of a sudden the excitement turns to self doubt and fear.  Ama begins to doubt herself.  She begins to tell me all the reasons why this is not the day that she will learn to ride a 2 wheeler.  All the reasons why she can’t… “I’ll fall and hurt herself, I can’t stop so might end up on the road and get hit by a car, the seat is too high and I, etc…”. 

At first I wasn’t sure what to do as she began to dismount the bike.  But then it came to me.  I asked her a question – “What would it feel like to be able to ride a 2 wheeler safely down the street?”  She got very excited – “I’d feel like a big girl, I’d stay on the bike and not fall, I’d be able to stop when I want to, etc”.  

Then I asked her how we can make this happen.  Her response “Daddy if you hold the bike and don’t let go until I tell you to then I think I can do it.  You also need to run beside me”.  I told her I could do that.  She got on the bike and then I gave her one more small piece of advice (learned from the children’s storybook “The Little Engine that Could”.)  I asked her tell herself these simple words – “I know I can, I know I can” rather than “I can’t”.  What was truly amazing was that on her first attempt, she learned to ride a 2 wheeler and I was no longer running alongside.  It took a few days to learn how to stop but that didn’t stop her from riding.  To this day whenever Ama comes up against something challenging that she may not have done before she begins by saying “I know I can.”

So what does this have to do with business teams?  Too often teams get stuck in “Why we can’t” mode.  They fear setting big goals because their past history shows them that they have never hit those goals and so there are 101 reasons why they won’t hit these goals in the future.  

We recently had this experience with a team we worked with.  Rather than setting big goals, because of fear and all the reasons “why they couldn’t”, they were ready to set goals that were lower than those they’d achieved in the past.  We turned this around by shifting the conversation.  We began by talking about goals that might be a stretch but that would really excite them and leave them feeling truly successful if achieved.  Then, rather than entertaining a conversation on all the reasons “Why not”, we asked the question “What are all the things we could do to achieve this goal”.  The energy in the room changed.   After much discussion, the team realized it was possible and in the end set some higher goals for itself and have now begun to create the plans to achieve them.

 So – is your team a “Why we can’t” team or a “How will we” team?

Inspiration & Ideas Catalyst

www.sixsenseinc.com

A Charter of Agreements formalizes a desired standard of behaviour around the group’s key areas of interaction.  The structure of an agreement is specific enough so that it’s clear but not so much that it is confining.  A good structure for an agreement contains three components – exactly what, exactly who and exactly when.  An example of an agreement that contains all three components is; “We will respond to all emails within 2 business days either with a full response or a promise of when a full response is forthcoming.” 

Having a Charter of Agreements clarifies expectations of desired behaviour for every member of a team or relationship.  It also gives the members permission to gently remind others of their missed agreements with relative safety.  Its intent is to help members create their desired relationship, putting expectations in the open while diminishing assumption.

Tom Hendrikson Chief Breakthrough Officer

www.sixsenseinc.com

However – there are many teams that have unwritten rules in place.  A lot of these rule are unproductive.  For example the unwritten rule that it is ok to be late for meetings.  How does this get established?  It gets established when people start to attend meetings late and no one says anything about it.  By showing up late and no one on the team saying anything, the unwritten message is it is ok to be late.  By virtue of it being ok for one person, it is all of a sudden ok for everyone.  In some cases, we are subconsciously saying – if I don’t call someone else out on this behaviour then they won’t call me out either.  

So whose responsibility is it to change the unproductive unwritten rule?   Everyone’s.  Whether you are doing it yourself or allowing it to happen you are equally responsible to create the change you see as positive change for the team.

While the unwritten rules need to be addressed, this video shows how NOT to deliver feedback when unwritten rules disturb a team meeting…

Inspiration & Ideas Catalyst

www.sixsenseinc.com

I recently ran a session with a team that was feeling like there were nothing but issues on their business.  They felt like they were fighting a losing battle.  I decided to start the meeting with an exercise where I asked them to list 20 wins that they have achieved on the business since the beginning of the year.  It took them a bit of prompting to get started but soon enough they had no trouble filling the page.  In fact, I had to finally stop them when they hit 25 so that we could move on with our workshop.

Talking about wins shifted the energy in the room.  They were more positive, and ultimately more creative.  In fact one team member said “we get so bogged down in the day to day issues that we don’t take time to see where we are succeeding – and we are.  We need to do this more often.” 

In the end we all want to be on a winning team.  So, at your next team meeting I invite you to begin by talking about wins.  

Inspiration & Ideas Catalyst

www.sixsenseinc.com

A company I know completed a recent Marketing project that missed most of the project objectives.  They wanted help in improving their project delivery so I helped them break down the project step-by-step to see what happened.  Then we took a step back to see the project at a more macro level (e.g. we got approval, we started executing, something went wrong, we scrambled to fix it, etc.). 

These two steps were enlightening because

1) people had different views on what really happened at the various steps in the project

2) they were able to see similar patterns on some of their other projects

3) most importantly, they could see the point at which these projects started to go off the rails.

This objective view helped them to realize that unconsciously, they were repeating a pattern of behaviour on some of their key projects.  Bringing these patterns to their consciousness helped them to make different, more productive choices at critical times.  So if something feels like it keeps happening over and over, take a step back to see if there is a pattern that needs changing.

Tom Hendrikson Chief Breakthrough Officer

www.sixsenseinc.com

Generally, the “office” is not conducive to building this kind of familiarity.  There are often too many rules and protocols or just too much “work” to do.  This is where “fun” team building events can play a role.  They often get people out of their regular routine and element and they behave differently.  It becomes ok to talk about ourselves and share.  It’s like people can take of the “veil” of their work role and just be themselves.  A great event also provides the team members with an experience that they share and can talk about or connect over.

We’re always on the look-out for and creating new experiences for teams out side of work.  Our latest is called “So Your Team Thinks They Can Dance”.  If you haven’t already figured it out, it is inspired by the popular TV reality show.  It’s an energizing event designed to get people out of their shells, having fun and creating memories.  For more you can see our website www.sixsenseinc.com/team-events 

Inspiration & Ideas Catalyst

www.sixsenseinc.com

When I hear people say “when will things change?” it is a way of saying “when will somebody else (or something else) change?”  This puts the responsibility outside ourselves and onto some conceptual entity – them.  This is a place of personal disempowerment.     

 While no one is proactive 100% of the time, it is possible to shift our orientation in the direction of greater proactivity.  The steps to do this are:

1) get clear on what you want

2) understand today’s reality relative to that outcome

3) take action to move you from where you are to where you want to be

 In the end, it’s about looking in the mirror and asking yourself “How have I contributed to what I have?” and then searching inside for the answer.     

Tom Hendrikson Chief Breakthrough Officer